More terrible video game commercials

Buy me this!

I had a really great time making the 15 God-Awful Video Game Commercials list for FileFront last week. It basically amounted to scouring YouTube for several hilarious hours, watching some of the most ridiculous TV spots ever put to film with the hopes of selling a video game to, seemingly, whoever the hell might be interested in buying one.

Seriously, it appears as though prior to the turn of the millennium, nobody in the industry had a clue as to how to sell their product. They were stabbing madly in the dark with jingles and goofy scripts and awful footage, hoping that someone might be dumb enough to buy what the companies were selling.

Even the ads for some of the best games ever – notably, The Legend of Zelda, which defined a great many childhoods – are uproariously terrible.

The list originally was supposed to include 10 spots, but I just couldn’t bring myself to trim down to so few. The number I finally settled on, 15, was a painful line in the sand. I had to quit or it was going to consume an entire day, and even though it was really fun, let’s be honest – I wasn’t getting paid that much to do it. Other projects needed my time, too.

Still, there were a few I had to pass on, and I’m including them here for no other reason than that they deserve to be seen and I’d like to watch them again. Consider the following items 16-20, or 15 God-Awful Video Game Commercials (Honorable Mentions).
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Sega re-entering console wars: an awful, terrible possibility

sonic Doing some news work for FileFront, the video game site I sometimes freelance for, I stumbled upon this story.

The article basically sells a rumor that Sega, the creator of the Dreamcast, Sega Genesis, Game Gear, Sonic the Hedgehog and numerous arcade games, is thinking about throwing its hat back in to build home consoles in the next hardware generation.

Which is, of course, a terrible idea. Because Sega is terrible with consoles. In fact, it’s so bad an idea that Sega should be physically restrained from doing so. No one will suffer but you, me, and video gaming at large.

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