Happy Valentine’s Day, From QUAN+UM!

valentine out of my head copy

It’s been crazy busy around here lately and I haven’t had a whole lot of time for blogging. One of the many things I’ve been toiling away on: Time Travel Valentines for So You Created a Wormhole, which we posted on the Wormhole Facebook page and Twitter, etc. Find the other five on our Facebook page or at thetimetravelguide.com. Go find them and share them!

Among the outreach things we try to do with Wormhole is create a community of “interns” for our fictional time travel governing body, QUAN+UM. It’s little more than a mailing list that occasionally gets fun messages from QUAN+UM, flagging new content, appearances or features. We actually rarely send emails so that we don’t end up spamming anyone.

However, with the release of the valentines, we had occasion to send a message to the email list. What follows is the latest intern email directive. I enjoyed it, and what’s more, I’m pretty proud of what we’re doing with this outreach, even if we could probably stand to do (a lot) more of it.

Anyway, here’s the latest internship email from QUAN+UM Internmentship Director P. Aloysius Derf:

Subject: Reminder: Fornication among interns is not permitted

Greetings, interns.

Here at QUAN+UM, we try to be aware of the needs and desires of our internship staff, as well as the needs and desires of our janitorial staff. And it is because of complaints of the janitorial staff that I write you today.
Yes, we are aware that technically the time coordinates corresponding to this message align with Feb. 14, 2013, known in some pre-government-assigned-coupling decades as “Valentine’s Day.” And it appears some of our interns who will not be named (Ricky) have been a little…enthusiastic in celebrating the days activities.
We are, of course, talking about various puddles of lubricants and chocolate fondue that have been found in many of the dormitory cells, as well as the fact that several janitors had to unlock a handcuffed intern who shall remain nameless (Ricky), who was wearing nothing but a hollowed-out pineapple at the time he was discovered.
This is your reminder that fornication between interns is prohibited under your QUAN+UM internship agreement, just as smoking and drinking are not permitted, since legally QUAN+UM is the sole proprietor of all interns’ internal organs. If you feel you must engage in “feelings” on this “romantic” occasion, I have a QUAN+UM-approved solution for you: Time Travel Valentines.
These innocuous Valentine’s Day messages, specially created through highly advanced digital photography manipulation software over the course of several hours and with a high degree of research, allow interns to convey emotional sentiment without engaging in any form of physical contact, including visual, so as to avoid all potential stimulation. We’ve got a governing agency of time travel to run here, people.
Find your allotment of QUAN+UM-approved valentines messages either in the QUAN+UM Archives at thetimetravelguide.com, or on social sharing platform The Facebook — we encourage the latter, as it allows for minimum intern-to-intern contact in “reality.” Cyberspace contact is less reprehensible (but still reprehensible).
Thank you for your cooperation, interns. The janitorial staff will appreciate your attention and consideration, which may result in a reduction in dipping all your toothbrushes in your toilets while you’re away.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
P. Aloysius Derf
QUAN+UM Internmentship Director

The internship recruitment page can be found here, if you’re interested in hearing more from Dr. Derf.

Published by Phil

He's like, you know, the guy.

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